Everybody Talks
by xKISMETx
Summary: A concotion of exerpts from the countries all revolving around their opinion of Spain and Romano's 'relationship'. (Rated M for reasons.. FELIZ CUMPLEANOS ESPANA! *Feb 12* )
1. Rome

Why can't things go my way? Was there something I did to deserve this? What deity had I so royally screwed over?

I had been truly blessed. Two beautiful, healthy grandsons. Little Feliciano who had the voice and temperament of an Angel. He could cook, clean, paint, and sing better than any I have met before. So well behaved too..

And what of my other grandson you may ask? Why, my innocent, cute little Romano? The grandson whom was named from me? He was on the floor, panting, with a very tan, very fit, very **dead** man pounding into him like it was his last act. As if God would take him at any moment!

..Oh he wouldn't be that lucky. Castration, that's a suitable punishment for the cocky bastard.

"What the hell is going on here?!" Oh the look on their faces.. First came shock, then anger, then joy and fear. Can you guess who had which? Romano, lacking all humility and rationality of the situation stared at me in obvious excitement, a jubilant cry of "Nonno!" Flying from his mouth, swollen red from hungry kisses.

I think I'll use a spoon..

"R-r-rome?" It was stuttered in both, what I imagined was, surprise and embarrassment. "Don't you 'Rome' me you fucking vagabond! Get your dick out of my grandson!" The warning was low and sharp, yet loud. The man, whom I recognized as "Spain" (I raised that son of a-), Scattered away from Lovino. "N-nonno-!" Apparently the shock had worn off. Roman yanked on his pants, pulling a shirt over his head. His cheeks were stained red, the embarrassment setting in. "How nice of you to visit!~" The Spaniard had the_ gall_ to chirp at me. I sent him a withering look that quickly killed the smile blossoming on his face.

"Watch how your tongue wags…lest I chop it off." The look Romano gave me...I shuddered. If looks could kill…I'd wish I was dead. "Nonno.." It was a warning, I could tell. "Hush, Lovino!" I turned a fiery glare to the Spaniard. "How dare you defile my precious Roma?! I'm going to kill you where you stand! Mark my words you filthy-" A book to the head cut me off and I stumbled forward."What the-?" I whirled around to meet the look of someone who was willing to maim. "Nonno. Ti amo. And I missed you. But we're not talking about this!" He screamed childishly, the blush on his face intensifying.

" Like hell I'll-." Another look shut me up. Romano explained slowly (In great detail) why he had allowed the Spaniard to commit the atrocity, even going so far as to claim in was consensual! Giving Spain a once over left me with a good taste in my mouth. He had dark, softly curling hair, a deep tan and shining green eyes. He had been an adorable child...Why couldn't Romano like someone like Germany! He so resembled my own ex-lover. No. He had to go and fall for that chi-ma- Sex with legs and an amazing ass.

Nonno does not approve. 


	2. Prussia

**( Please don't kill me! I swear I had important things, really important things to do! *subtly kicks away doujinshi* I just hope you can forgive me. Lo siento mi amores. Q~Q If its any consolation I'll start updating regularly. *Offers Toma as sacrifice* Now If there is any particular country you want to see next, by all means~ drop me a comment. *wink-wink, Nudge-nudge*This is mostly humor so far-but I can only suppress my smut urges for so long!~ *would greatly appreciate requests* Now on with the tor-story!)  
**

Have you ever had one of those days where no one wanted to hang out with you? Of course you have. I haven't though, because who doesn't want to hang out with awesomeness itself?! Its just that Franny was doing something unimportantly important-no matter- I had a back-up plan! Mein good friend Antonio! Hes a pretty awesome guy..

Worst. Guy. Ever.

So apparently 'Lovi' And he had important business to take care of. Why hang out with a brat when the awesome me is willing to spare you time? Why was every one of my friends so damn busy? Why did I only have three friends?..Did Lizzy count?...Ja, she counted. I decided enough was enough. I hadn't seen Antonio in over a week. That guy was always around though! So naturally, when he refused my awesome invitation, to do work, I had my suspicions. So I did what any good friend would do. I gave him a chance to explain himself.  
..And by that, I mean trailed him from the bushes. Ferns are kinda itchy by the way.

Antonio looked fairly nice-shabby as usual-but nice. He stopped outside of a café and went in. Antonio took a seat at a booth, near a window, whose bushes I was currently staked out in. How considerate of him.  
It felt like forever in that shrub and I had twigs in places I don't want to talk about( talk about having a stick up your ass).  
Finally, (Finally!) the brat decided to grace us with his presence. He looked pissed. Which was hilarious. I wish I could have heard what they were saying, but all I could do was watch the exchange. Antonio appeared antsy and Lovino had a blush plastered to his face as he talked, probably something insulting. Pfft-then they kissed. It came out of nowhere and scared zhe hell out of me. I fell back on my ass, tumbling out and over the bush. I booked it-awesomely- back to my place to pretend it never happened. But fuck! I couldn't believe it. Some things a guy didn't need to know. That was worse than the time me and Tonio walked in on Franny getting sassy with some drunk chick. I shuddered. Who needed that much whip cream?

So Antonio was dating Lovino. Lovino was dating Antonio. At the very least they were fucking on the side. I'd heard somewhere that some spiders bit their mates head off. I wondered if bitches were the same. Viel Glück Antonio.

Zhe awesome me does not approve (Awesomely).


	3. Belgium

The sun was bright, shining, encouraging. I could practically see it shining through my golden hair, sending imaginary sparkles of light into the air with a single flip. No doubt, I was lovely.

I don't mean to sound conceded, honestly I'd never thought I was anything special. At least, not until he told me I was.

Long, calloused fingers gripped the handles of a basket as he carried his load. I watched from the shade. I burned much too easily, so, I really had no idea why I visited the sunny country so often. Okay. That was a lie. I knew exactly why I visited so often, but how could I not? He was so perfect. So golden, tan, bright, loving, kind… the list could go on and on.

The basket hit the ground with a thud, bending the grass as he bent back up. Droplets of sweat beaded down his forehead before those same tan fingers brushed them away. They seemed to reflect a light of his own, or maybe that was just me. "Hola Bella! Did I keep you waiting?" I was rewarded with a smile. Though it couldn't be called just a smile. Not with the way it sent shivers up my spine and forced one of my own. "No not, long." Three hours, fifty minutes and thirteen seconds. "I just wanted to thank you for the tomatoes you sent Bruder and I." I could feel the blush heating my cheeks.

"Oh? No problema mi amigo! I seem to have too many lying around these days, even for me. The tomatoes have been doing really well this year!" Like I wanted to talk about the stupid tomatoes. They were delicious, but only appealing when pressed against those full lips. Those full lips that were apparently trying to gain my attention.

"…Think so Bella? Bella?"

"Huh, oh what? Hmm?" I asked, tilting my head in obvious confusion. His brow creased in worry and he reached a hand out. My heart jumped. "Are you okay, Bella? You seem a little out of it. Do you want boss to go get you a drink?"

"What-? Oh, no, no! I'm fine, don't worry about me." I brushed it off, leaning into the hand on my forehead. It was so warm… He took it away and picked up the discarded basket. I've never been more jealous of an inanimate object.

"Why don't we go inside then? I wouldn't want one of my most important people having a stroke. "He laughed as he turned his back on me and started toward the villa some ways off.

One of his most important people. I was important to him. The smile that blossomed on my face was enough to rival the flowers at Keukenhof. And from that day on, I made it my business to visit Spain as often as I could, to visit _Antonio _as often as I could.

* * *

This brought me to where I was. At his door, a basket of waffles under my arm. Today was the day. I was finally going to make my move. I was going to admit to him that our feelings were mutual We'd hug and kiss and then… I blushed, a giggle escaping as I turned the knob.

There was a thud in the kitchen. I could smell bacon and hear it sizzling. I had arrived just in time for breakfast!

I took off at a brisk pace towards the kitchen. I'd visited so many times I knew every nook and cranny by heart. My flats slapped against the tile of the floor rhythmically. With each step my elation, and nervousness, grew. I was going to start something. I'd have a new beginning with Spain. I rounded the corner just in time to see Antonio grin.

Perfect!

There was a moan, long and drawn out desperately. Lovino was on his back. On the table. Was that honey dripping down his neck? It must have been because not even a moment later a hot, red, Spanish tongue had lapped it up. Lovino was tied snuggly in a frilly white apron, his head thrown back and eyes hooded as he held onto Antonio's neck. Long, olive legs were thrown of strong, brown shoulders as Antonio slammed ruthlessly into the lithe Italian. A normally snarky, contrite voice was shaky and desperate, begging for more like some… some… whore!

The waffles spilled out onto the floor, scattering.

The sound drew their attention away for just a moment. Two pairs of eyes locked onto me, both comically wide. I could feel the anger bubbling up inside me. I hated being angry. I wanted to scream at them.

_How could you?! How could you?! I thought we..! I thought I was-! No! You're awful! You sicken me! Everything I thought about you was a filthy, filthy lie!_

I pointed an accusing finger, my arm straining with the effort.

"Your bacons burning."

With that, I left. That was the single most awful thing I had ever witnessed in my long existence. How could two people I trusted go behind my back so intimately? How could your friends look you in the eyes and lie. How could Antonio chose Lovino over me? When he'd known me so much longer! I deserved to be in those arms. I should have been on that table. I _would _have been on the table, I was sure of it. If only I'd confessed sooner.

I convinced myself it was nothing serious. It was simply Antonio's passionate spirit running away with him. There was nothing much to like about Lovino, other than his physical appearance. He lacked all charm. I'd give it a week longer, a month at the most, and that was me being generous.

I do not approve of this fling.


	4. Hungary

I am the best at what I do. I love what I do. I don't get paid for it, but then again, yaoi is payment enough. Maybe that's why I wasn't surprised.

* * *

I banged on the door, practically kicking it. If that damn albino idiot thought he could get away from me, he had another think coming. "Open the door!"

"No vay in hell!" A snarky, muffled, reply filtered to me from the other side of the bolted door.

"Gilbert fucking Beilschmidt, open this door or I'll shove my frying pan so far up your ass you'll be spitting metal!"

The door slowly creaked open, revealing Gilbert or 'Prussia' in all his unawesomness. He had pillows tied to his torso and head, a bat at the ready. I snorted.

"Vhat do you vant from me now, woman?" I was going to reply when I saw a weird glint enter his eyes and a sly smirk curve his lips. Oh no. "You just couldn't stay avay, could you? Couldn't get enough of my awesome five meters! Kesesesesese-" I cut him off with a sound smack to his oversized ego, via frying pan.

"Ow!"

"As tempting as that is, I have sexier fish to fry." I reestablished. "Vhat?"

I seized him by his scruffy collar, pulling him closer until we were nose to nose. "What do you know?"

"Vhat?" Smack, smack, smack! "Gott damn it! Lizzy, that hurts! Is that fucking iron?" He screamed, nursing the growing bump on his head.

"Yes, now tell me what you know about a certain grumpy Italian, and sexy assed Spaniard," I demanded, weighing the pan in front of his nervous ruby eyes. "or you and this pan are going to get_ very_ friendly." There was a fraction of silence, a moment of hesitation then-

"They're dating."

"What?!" Now it was my turn to scream. "I knew it! Tonio's been boning him! I can't wait to tell Kiku!" I dropped Gilbert, leaving him in a crumpled pile of muttering German (I'm Prussian!) as I made my hasty exit.

It was _perfect_. They were both healthy, fit, Latin males. Naturally, they'd have wild, passionate, animal sex. I need to get my camera ready.

I approve.


	5. America

I had heard some suspicious gossip at the last meeting. As the hero, I felt it was my sworn duty to get to the bottom of this possibly threatening situation.

* * *

I barged into Spain's bedroom with a camera. Then, I realized the occupant of said room was sleeping. Quietly, I crept toward the edge of the bed, turning my camera on. I peeled back the blankets, revealing a stark naked Antonio sprawled out on his back.

My eyes scanned him through the darkness; I gasped quietly, zooming in on the small red mark under his left collarbone. "There, right there!" I whispered harshly, talking to my camera. "Look at that tan that tinted skin. Look at the killer shape he's in." I panned the camera up to Spain's face. "Look at that slightly stubbly chin- oh please, he's gay. Totally gay." I creeped away from the bed, investigating the drawers of the nightstand. I found nothing.

"I'm not about to celebrate. Every trait could indicate the totally straight expatriate." I huffed. "This guy is not gay. I say, no way." I slipped into the connecting bathroom, closing the door before flicking the light on. I blinked.

"Is it relevant to assume that a man who wears perfume," I zoomed in on the bottle of perfume. "is automatically radically fey?" I opened the bathroom door, something catching my eyes. Spain's hair was reflecting the light from the bathroom. "But look at his coif and crispy locks." I took a step forward, something crinkling under my foot. I panned the camera down to it. "Look at his silk, translucent socks. That's the eternal paradox. Look what we're seeing. Is he gay or European?" I turned the camera toward me, look into the lense.

"You see, they bring their boys up different there, it's culturally diverse. It's not a fashion curse if he wears a kilt," I snorted. "Or bears a purse." I turned the camera down, scanning the floor for more evidence. "Gay or just exotic? I still can't crack the code. Yes, his accent is hypnotic." I panned in on Spain's business shoes in the corner. "But his shoes are pointed toed. Huh."

"Gay or foreign fella? The answer could take weeks. They both say things like 'ciao bella' while they kiss you on both cheeks." I blushed slightly upon remembering the last time Italy had done that to me and decided to cut that out of the video later. "Is he gay or European? So many shades of grey…"

"Depending on the time of day, the French go either way." I whispered to the camera like it was some secret. I crept back over to the bed, a picture on the nightstand catching my eyes. "There right there. Look at that condescending smirk. I've seen it on every guy it work. That is a metro-hetro jerk… This guy's not gay. I say, no way." I panned down the rest of the picture, zooming in as I recognized the costume from last Halloween. It certainly was revealing. "Well, is it relevant to presume, that a hottie in that costume is-?" There was a groan and I snapped to the bed, but Spain hadn't moved. I blinked.

"Automatically-radically" There was the slight shift of cloth.

"Ironically-chronically" I heard a yawn and saw a hill under the blankets scoot closer to Spain's side.

"Genetically-netically" A small hair poked out. And I took careful steps closer, turning my camera light brighter to get a better view of Spain's 'visitor's' face. "Gay! Officially Gay! Officially Gay, _Gay_,_ **Gay**_,_** Gay**_-!" I was jumping up and down at this point, the camera shaking.

"What the fuck?!" A snarky, Italian accented, voice cut in. A light switched on and I was presented with two pairs of eyes, blinking at me "Mr. Assy-tacos, this affair with Mrs. Windom has been going on how long?" He blinked in response.

"Huh?"

"And your first name is?"

"..Antonio?"

"And your boyfriend's name is?"

"Lovino."

"Aha!" I shouted, pointing an accusing finger at Spain. After a solid minute, he had made no move to deny it. "Holly shit."

"You fucking, dumb-ass, perverted, son of a bitch!" A red-faced Lovino yelled, throwing anything within reach at me. That being: A book, pill bottle, alarm clock, and lamp. I dodged each one, effectively protecting any future children I might have. I ran straight for the window, not thinking twice before I threw myself out of it.

I forgot I was on the second floor.

Sadly, one of my many amazing hero powers does not include flying. Luckily, I landed in a shrub, the camera- and my YouTube stardom!- perfectly intact.

I approve.

* * *

**Lo siento for not updating sooner. ;~; I've just been busy with other stories and school. I'll be able to update a lot more regularly with it winding down to summer term. Also, I believe I was promised cookies. =u= I prefer oatmeal chocolate chip- freshly stolen from the dark side. **


	6. France

L'amour is my specialty~

I, having become privy to the little 'trysts' between Antoine and his cher long before anyone else, felt it was up to me to get to the bottom of just how 'close' the two were.

So, I confronted them directly.

* * *

I knocked on the door, waiting patiently. I heard the click of a lock just before the door was opened. I was presented with a scowling, yet somehow appealing, Italian.

"Salut!"

The door was slammed in my face rather abruptly. How rude! I had gone so far out of my way for a visit only to be rejected and left on the doorstep like a poor babe left to the- Antonio opened the door a minute later, smiling.

"Hola Franny!" He greeted in his usual chipper manner. I stepped in, looking about the sitting room. There was no Romano in sight.

"Where did your peu d'italien go, Antoine?"

" I sent him to our room for being naughty." I rounded on him, my eyes lighting up. Naughty~ I let out a particularly suggestive laugh.

"Ohonhonhon~ Your room?" I wiggled my eyebrows at him.

"Si!" I could have slapped myself. My teasing would have been so much more fun if Antoine were just a bit less oblivious. I actually missed Romano. He would play the straight man to my pranks~

I crossed casually to the couch, plopping down. Spin took a seat beside me, his smile somehow expectant. Well, if he was expecting it, I felt the need to give it to him.

Not like that. Angeletere would castrate me.

"Have you and Romano been having… well~"

"Sex?" Antonio cut me off and I blinked, gauging him. I nodded and then he did.

"Si, of course we have. All the time, actually. Lovi is really good at it! Sometimes he bites but that's okay because it feels really good too! Oh, and he squeezed my ass last night- I didn't know it felt that great. I wish someone had done that sooner, but Lovino won't have sex on doors anymore because last time it opened and I didn't stop when we hit the floor so he had a few bruises. That's okay though because he let me lick them better-"

"Don't you mean kiss?"

"No, I mean lick. Lovi tastes muy bien. You know he mewls a kitten when I-"

My 'visit' somehow turned into a miniature sex education class on the ins and outs of Italian pleasure spots.

"I'll try to remember that next time I'm fucking Lovino." I joked, rolling my eyes.

Antonio didn't think it was funny.

Needless to say, I left with more bruises than I had going in. I couldn't feel my face. I think he may have broken something, but that just proves his love for the grumpy Italien… I hope. Either that, or Antoine is reverting back to dark days...

I approve.


	7. England

I have no bloody clue how I landed myself in this position.

* * *

First, America had broken down my door, waving some blasted tape around as if it were the eleventh commandment. Then, Francis, the wanker, had explained to me where he had gotten the 'lovely' idea expressed in bed. After a nap, of course… I couldn't see why everyone suddenly seemed so bloody hung up on Southern Italy and Spain's relationship. If they wanted to create a bloody quadratic, bipolar legislature from hell, then by all means! However, I wasn't for them encouraging the utter hell that had been unleashed in last month's meeting.

Francis and Prussia were screaming in each other's faces about how 'wonderful' and 'dangerous' it was. Germany had been screaming at Italy for running around naked in joy. America was quiet, busy streaming that blasted tape while Japan scribbled away at some 'manga'. Hungary had gathered a cult of girls, including Liechtenstein, to giggle about something they called 'yaoi'. Those blood stains would never come out of the carpet. Russia had unleashed his aura because his elder sister Ukraine had been corrupted and Belarus had had to be tied down to keep her from attacking the Hungarian for suggesting that Ivan and America…err never mind. That had led to America yelling at Hungary with a suspicious blush decorating his face, which led to Hungary beating America with that blasted pan of hers, and ended in Ivan throwing Vodka bottles at an escaped Belarus. Ivan didn't have very skilled aime considering he missed and hit an already angry Prussia, unleashing a buried grudge. So, Germany had to hold Prussia back, for his own safety, while a still naked Italy sat on his shoulders, waving his arms around while declaring that "Fratellone finally got some Ve!~" causing more blood to flow from Liechtenstein's nose. Switzerland was having a panic attack, threatening to shoot the streaking Italian.

It seemed I was the only sane one.

I employed the help of several individuals who requested to remain nameless, for reasons unknown, to wright and gather the autobiographical experiences of the nations who had lost their bloody mind over this rumor.

I gathered a vote.

After the biographies were read and the votes tallied (I received quite a few death threats from said 'yaoi' cult). I took great pleasure in mailing the results of said vote to the entirety of my fellow nations.

I was damn determined to have a sensible, productive, non-headache inducing meeting this month. I refused (bloody refused!) to listen to the incessant squabbling for another five hours. Naturally, I succeeded. The meeting went flawlessly for the first twenty minutes, gathered I could feel several glares working their way through my skull, but so was the ways of democracy.

It went fairly well, that is until, as America would say, the shit hit the fan.

At this point, I think it's best that I approve.


End file.
